In brief
Starting preschool is an exciting yet challenging milestone for many children. As they experience separation from parents or guardians, anxiety may arise. Experts suggest gradual exposure, creating routines, and helping children feel secure to ease this transition. It's vital for parents to recognize when anxiety becomes persistent and seek professional guidance if necessary.
On her first full day of preschool, Alexander Lane’s 3-year-old daughter stayed in the car for an hour at drop-off because she didn’t want to go inside. On the second day, she entered class in tears.
But by the third day, she eagerly ran into the classroom.
Starting preschool or kindergarten is a milestone, but also a source of anxiety for some children, especially those experiencing their first prolonged separation from caregivers.
Lane knew that his daughter might be nervous about being away from her parents. She had previously resisted attending classes, prompting him to delay her preschool enrollment.
“It’s not productive to tell someone, ‘You’ll just enjoy this if you push through and do it,’” Lane explained.
Separation anxiety is common among young children, and experts assert that it’s a natural aspect of development.
“With every new school year comes new classrooms and routines, which can trigger anxiety,” said Erica Lee, a psychologist at Boston Children’s Hospital.
If separation anxiety extends over time and interferes with daily life, it may warrant professional evaluation. Parents can apply various techniques to help their children adjust more effectively.
Encouraging Bravery in Kids
Kimberly Skukalek, a preschool teacher from Florida, notes that many children experience separation anxiety each year. Her goal is to convey that school is a secure environment where children can foster friendships.
Skukalek also emphasizes that it’s not just the children who need encouragement—parents often share in the anxiety.
“Some parents are more scared than their child,” she pointed out.
Allowing children to avoid tense situations can hinder their resilience, according to Izabela Milaniak, a psychologist from the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. Avoidance can exacerbate anxiety levels.
Milaniak advocates for equipping children with coping strategies to face their fears. This empowers them and shows them they can handle difficult situations.
“Kids must learn to self-soothe and be alone,” she remarked.
A dual approach is effective for children facing separation anxiety: acknowledge their feelings while maintaining boundaries. This “compassionate limit-setting” is key to boosting their self-confidence.
When Patrick Edmondson’s son Miles started preschool, he experienced pushback and distress during separation. His parents showed understanding but were resolute about school attendance.
“If he really struggled, we would consider options, but we didn’t want him to know that,” Edmondson stated. “It’s important that he understands he could handle this.”
The family implemented strategies like reassurance of safe return and use of a “bravery toy” to comfort Miles. Now, he relishes school and rides the bus.
Routine and Gradual Exposure
Experts advise gradual exposure to separation for children. Start by leaving them alone for short intervals, then gradually extend the duration. This helps increase their comfort level.
Creating a brief goodbye ritual can also aid anxious children, providing a structured and predictable way to say farewell without prolonging the departure.
In Minneapolis, Lane introduced half-day summer preschool classes to help ease his daughter’s transition. They would discuss upcoming activities, which helped her feel more involved.
“It’s not just something happening to her,” Lane shared.
When to Seek Help
Symptoms of separation anxiety often include tantrums at drop-off, dependency on parents, or reluctance to be alone. “The fear stems from concerns for themselves or their caregivers,” Lee noted.
If anxiety lingers for more than several weeks, it may be time to consult a pediatrician. Fortunately, these challenges are highly treatable at any age.
